Rest

I am the kind of person who has always struggled with slowing down. I love to fill my schedule, I throw my absolute all into my work, I have an unbelievably hard time telling people no, and I always end up having a page long todo list. I love being busy, like really, I do—and over the years, I began associated productivity with worth. I started to believe that the more I could accomplish, the happier I would be. The more I told people yes, the more they would like and appreciate me.

Over the past month or so though, I started to feel genuine burn out. I wasn’t enjoying my job, school, or passions whatsoever, grabbing coffee with a friend left me feeling overwhelmed, and even the idea of texting people back seemed too big a task. Everything was building up around me; I was beginning to feel crushed by the weight of obligation. Yet despite feeling drained, the idea of taking a break felt genuinely impossible and it filled my mind with engulfing anxiety. There was too much happening and too much to do. I couldn’t just stop. I couldn’t just walk away. And besides, who was Julianna if she wasn’t a go getter, a yes woman, a mover and a shaker?

As you may have expected, I reached a breaking point. I was so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained that I was left with no choice but to cut my night short. In actuality, a respected friend and mentor had to cut it short for me. When I got home, I dropped my bags to the floor, closed my eyes, stood still and just breathed— deeply, fully. And as foreign as it felt to do nothing and simply rest, I spent my night doing just that. I took a bath, lit a candle, read one of my favorite books, and cooked myself my favorite dinner.

And y’all. It. Felt. So. Good.

I woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed than I could have imagined. I looked in the mirror and saw a rejuvenated woman, brimming with a different kind of confidence. I knew I could handle anything the day brought me. And since that night, I’ve been learning to prioritize rest. I’ve been learning to take days for myself. To know that my friends and family will love me, even if I say no. That I will love myself even if I say no. That my worth is not defined just by my productivity.

That there is joy to be found in the quiet moments, the still moments, the restful moments.

So here is a reminder to you, to me, to anyone who is feeling overwhelmed by an endless todo list: it is okay to slow down. It is okay to breathe. It is okay to rest. It is okay to enjoy the quiet. Sit down, empty your mind, enjoy a cup of tea (or coffee), take a stroll and literally smell the roses, just be. You deserve it. You really, really, really do.

The busy can wait until tomorrow.

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