An Apology to You, 2017

Over the past week, my social media has been flooded with people sharing their favorite moments, best memories, greatest accomplishments, and all the outstanding things that happened to make 2017 wonderful. I couldn’t help myself from casually rolling my eyes as I began seeing more and more of these posts and I found myself beginning to feel bitter. Bitter because 2017 left me with few good memories to share, fewer great accomplishments, and little to no happy moments to counteract the heartache and the struggles that were painfully consistent throughout my year. The past couple days, people have asked me about my plans for New Year’s Eve. I told them I had a few ideas but overall I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. In reality, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. All I wanted was to go to sleep at 9pm and wake up feeling refreshed that what I considered to be the most difficult year of my life to date would finally be over. This morning as I left my bedroom to start a day I had been anxiously awaiting to end, I felt overwhelmed by the sight of these six words. “It is well with my soul”. When I read these words this morning, I was reminded of something I lost sight of this year. I lost sight of a peace that comes from knowing and believing that no matter what I face, that no matter what happens, it is well, with my soul, with me. This morning, that peace is overwhelming. So to 2017, I owe you an apology. An apology for allowing myself to believe that the negative things that have happened to me had to permanently affect my attitude towards you. An apology for getting knocked down, not standing back up, and then blaming you for being on the ground. An apology for losing sight of your good in the midst of your bad and failing to remember there was indeed still good. An apology for forgetting that through it all, it is well with my soul, and tonight, surrounded by a few of the people I love most, I’m going to celebrate remembering. So here’s to you 2017, my worst year yet.