On Choosing Self Love

I still remember the day I got this tattoo. I was going through a time in life when I felt alone, uncertain, and desperate for companionship and understanding. I don’t think I’d ever felt so lost, and in all transparency, I don’t think I’d ever felt so depressed.

There are still days when I wish I could go back and talk to that young woman, just sit together and have coffee. We would cry together as she told me about her struggles and hurts, and I would tell her that she was worth more than she was allowing, more than she was pursuing, more than she was believing possible for herself. But despite being one of the most difficult seasons I’ve faced so far, it was also the catalyst for unimaginable change in my life. It took me losing everything I knew and thought I needed for me to finally begin seeing what spirit really had for me in this life, to finally rediscover a person I had tried so hard to stifle, to finally come back home to myself.

That season of life was the beginning of me learning to believe in myself, to choose myself, to love myself. Like, actually, really love myself. Fully and completely. In my imperfect, my messy, my anxious, my uncertain, my doubt. I spent too much of my life thinking I had to be my own greatest adversary, thinking it wasn’t okay to be your own loudest cheerleader, your own best friend, your own greatest love. So I decided to trade out my self-depreciation for self-acceptance. I decided to try smiling back at the person in the mirror instead of avoiding their eyes. I decided to stop holding myself back and to start seeking out a path forward. Instead of ruminating on my shortcomings, I began focusing on my gifts, walking in my power, and believing in my potential. I stopped trying to make myself small, and I allowed myself to take up space, to be myself and to love myself, completely, fully, and wholeheartedly.

‘it was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.’ -Rupi Kaur